Time of Crisis:
Respect for my personal space has always been important for me because of my sensitivity towards touch. I don’t know if this has anything to do with possible sexual abuse in my childhood, but I have grown to be more aware of my boundaries between people ever since I learned that I may have been raped…
Sometimes, the most innocent situation of a hand placed slightly on my shoulder makes me extremely uncomfortable. I want to squirm away but it would show my fear and create awkwardness. I don’t know whom I can trust around me, and I isolate myself from people.
Especially when I feel very anxious, my personal space radar expands, and I try to stay at least an arm length away, so that no one can reach me. This makes taking the elevator difficult – I have to take deep breathes to assure myself that I am safe at the moment. I will not let anyone hurt me in the elevator, no matter how close I am standing around people. I go through life timidly, ready to become angry anytime. I get so furious inside, and I tell myself that I am going to murder the next person who dares to touch me inappropriately.
This is an uncomfortable subject to write or read about… I am still learning to trust the right people and set appropriate boundaries, and before I find out, I am going to keep my distance to protect myself. I have to learn that not all touches are inappropriate and are going to hurt me. It’s okay to be hugged by a loved one, and I need to relax at times.